i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
