Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
