You're so nebulous sometimes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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