I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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