He asked to "fluff my boner.."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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