Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
