oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
