we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
