Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
