Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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