bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
