I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
