You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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