Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
