he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
