Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
