In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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