Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
