I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Soap is not a condiment
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
