I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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