how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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