When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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