I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
