i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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