I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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