Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We left the knife in your bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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