Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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