I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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