You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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