At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The beer is more important than you right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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