yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
