There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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