Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
