forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
