I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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