You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
