he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
why is half of my head shaved?
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