I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He kissed a someone with a penis
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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