franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
