The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
