what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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