i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
