The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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