Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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