I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
