so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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