He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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