Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
