I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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