Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
