hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
