What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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