Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
