you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
