Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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