actually, I'm a sock model
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
