I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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