jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
