i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
