WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Shame - the story of my life.
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