Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
