You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
