yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
