So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
