dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
