i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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