And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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